I had this privatised for so long. I think it’s to let it go and let it run its course.
This is Lily, the love of my life, my amazing girlfriend (ex now) who I’ve spent the better half of my life loving. I have loved her every day of my life since the moment I met her. She is as beautiful as the day we met still. We unfortunately were born thousands of miles away from one another that caused a lot of heart ache. Long distance was never easy and we unfortunately were separated many times because of it. But through and through we always found our way back to one another. She had been the best part of my life thus far and I hope I impact her life as much as she does mine. No matter the problem I do my best to help and no matter the time she does her best to comfort me. I’ve suffered from depression since I was 12 years old. It hasn’t been easy but through the love and support and to better myself to have, my best friend, my lover and the joy of my life be proud of me. I worked on trying to improve my way of thought. She has been the core of why I found beauty in the world. In creating poetry, writing, all of it thanks to her love and support. I love this woman, to my very core. I finally had the chance to send her an assortment of items I picked out and hold near and dear to my heart for her and sent them. This was the result, I’m writing this down because in this moment, when I heard her say I love you. All my doubts melted away, I knew that I was going to love this girl for the rest of my life. I would never come close to loving someone as I love her right now. To my Lily bean, my star dust, my best friend and my bride to be someday. I love you so very much.
I stood in my shower today for about 20 minutes today before realizing I hadn’t turned the water on. I’m losing it, all the noise and thoughts in my head are finally starting to seep out. When I finally turned on the shower and felt the pitter patter of water droplets land on the top of my head. I couldn’t hear anything, but the sound of your voice as you sang to me.
Why do I keep doing this to myself you told me, it’s funny, I ask myself that same question.
…and with that you disappeared from my life and with it, my days seem to shine a little less bright.
Think it was your smile that made it so.
So much time spent contemplating if you still cared or if you missed my presence as much as I missed yourself that I suddenly realized I asked these questions to images of you. You had left long ago and I was still here, believing there was something I could have done to make you stay or make you love me more
There wasn’t, because we were two different people.